I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
