Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize