Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
