the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
