Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize