Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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