So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
