i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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