Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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