Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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