Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize