Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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