Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
