My nipple is on Facebook.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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