i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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