There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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