hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
