Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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