her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
