We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
