chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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