mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize