Dude my mom stole all your condoms
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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