My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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