you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize