We named our party play list daddy issues
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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