this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
