i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
