My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
