Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
