you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
