your room smells of hookers.
And success
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You're like the curious george of whores
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
