remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
