i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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