I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
