we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
