No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
