forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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