I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize