oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
