No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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