i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
