You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
