So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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