I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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