I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
