I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
