Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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