Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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