his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
