you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
