last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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