I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I checked into jail on foursquare
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
