how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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