Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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