Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
