I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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