smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
