No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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