i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
