yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize