I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
