I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
