Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
