That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
