my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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