I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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