I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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