i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
