So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
