my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
