Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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