don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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