quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
