somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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