3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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