Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
