You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
