If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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