I heard we made out
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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