so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize