i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The adults are the big ones right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
