Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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