I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
