just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
