Plan B is the new Plan A
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
me + whiskey = a bad person
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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