just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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