I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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