I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
