Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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