A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize