just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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