i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
