I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
