Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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