I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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