I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
