If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were destined to go to rehab together
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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