One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
