she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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