just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
