we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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