Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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