Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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