i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize