I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
