hotel room ftw
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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