It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I supernannyed him into submission
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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