I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize