Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
